‘Are you sure you’ll be warm enough? Have you got some water? Have you been to the loo?’ Ah yes, the travel realities of parents and children. Except this time it was me, the 27-year-old making sure my 59-year-old mother was equipped for a day of Louvre-ing in Paris.
The last time I went on holiday with Mum, I was 17 with an attitude problem; she was the overbearing, ‘brush your hair dear’ fun-lover. So, had things changed now, after returning from a three-week European adventure?
There are plenty of articles out there about traveling with kids— the ones of an age that need shoe laces tied, to be constantly entertained and who scream when you suggest they try some brie instead of Kraft cheese sticks. But what about an adult child traveling with their older parent? What are the advantages and disadvantages?
Advantages
–Money brings richness:
In most cases, money means a more enjoyable holiday; better accommodation, delicious food and actually being able to go up the Eiffel tower. When an adult child can bring money to the experience instead of being a burden begging for a Mickey Mouse toy from Euro-Disney, there are opportunities for richer experiences.
–Mind over matter
While in Switzerland, I was riding a bicycle at breakneck speed (well…I exaggerate a tad)— Mum eventually caught up. ‘Why are you riding so fast? Look around you.’ And instead of focusing on the road, I looked up—she was right. Blue sky with a frieze of jagged mountain ranges, cows with bells, farmhouses like out of chocolate advertisements. Mum’s mature ‘smell the roses’ attitude of an older parent can bring more inspiring experiences. And vice-versa; conversations about a nations’ political system are far more engaging over a limoncello than ‘I wanna see Disneyland’.
–Flesh out those skeletons
Every family has a skeleton or two rattling about in the closet. As a child, they remained bony, and remain so when afternoon teas don’t exactly provide to backdrop to flesh out Aunt watsername never got married and why uncle hoosit isn’t invited to Christmas.
After a few vinos one night Mum and I got into an introspective mood and chatted about the past; what it’s like for her to have found true love at last, her family background, what I should do with my life. Being in a foreign place allowed us to explore the comfort zone of our usual conversation topics.
Disadvantages
While it’s all sounding like a living Hallmark card, beware the disadvantages of traveling as a parent with an adult child.
Freaky Friday Forever
The days of being spoon-fed are at the extremes of life; when as a child the airplane of peas came to you. Then there comes the time when that spoon feeder has ‘senior’s moments’, and general vagueness which give a doorway into future senility. The adult child then takes over the role of parent.
Observe:
Still walking around in a jet-lag haze, Mum and I were choosing some munchies at a Parisian Supermarche…
Me: “Would you like some carrots? How about some tomatoes? This cheese is nice—“
Mum: “Arg! Let me think!”
Me: “Are you feeling OK? Do you need a rest? I can take you back to the hotel— “
Mum: “Shush! I’m not a 5 year old!”
But truth was in a way, she was. Tired and cranky, I expected her to chuck a tantrum right there next to the fromage frais. And she would have gotten lost back to the hotel in the rabbit warren of the Paris Metro and streets. After a few days and more sleep, eventually I learned not to be so patronising, and Mum let me take the reins a bit more.
When one or both of you can’t get past the role reversal; for the younger realising their parent’s mortality— for the older, being babied, then such a travel arrangement is destined for disaster.
Fitness levels
Even if you get on like best friends, there are the practicalities to contend with. Levels of health and fitness are required for even the most sedate bus tour or standing in museums, tolerating foreign foods and nipping around crazy traffic. While age does not necessarily equate to fitness, there may be a disparity between each of you. A better holiday is one where you are both of about the same huff and puff, rather than impatient waiting at the tops of stairs.
So, should you travel with a parent/child?
With the baby boomer generation bounding into retirement, and having inheritances to blow and time free to do it, there comes the opportunity for travel. This may be with a spouse or alone, or with a child of adult age, who is financially independent.
As with any travel buddy, choose wisely— similar expectations and abilities, as well as personality compatibility are essential. But the benefits may well be worth it—a special bonding between parent and child, before it’s too late.
